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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24849898">Breathing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettylittlepetticoats/pseuds/prettylittlepetticoats'>prettylittlepetticoats</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Sansa Stark, Character Study, Endgame Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, Eventual Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heroine's Journey, Jon Snow and Sansa Stark Are Not Related, Jon Snow and Sansa Stark are Cousins, Love, Pain, Sansa Stark is Queen in the North, Sansa Stark-centric, Story Arc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:01:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24849898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettylittlepetticoats/pseuds/prettylittlepetticoats</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'Sometimes it's hard to find my way up out of the clouds, tune it out they can be so loud' </p><p>The story of Sansa Stark, and the long, hard road to finding happiness /ONESHOT, Jonsa.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jon Snow/Sansa Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Breathing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>authorsnote: one shot timeeee. I love my wip's, but I also love writing little slice of life oneshots. this one is a story, from start to a sort of finish, and I truly hope you enjoy. sansa is one of my fav characters in asoiaf/got (perhaps only 2nd to jon), and I loved telling a little story of her.</p><p>I do hope you enjoyed, please let me know your thoughts! </p><p>also pls check out 'keep breathin'' video on yt, by chemicalattraction, her video inspired this.</p><p>songrecs: breathin - ariana grande</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>'Some days things just take way too much energy; I look up and the whole room's spinning'</em>
</p><p>They tell her of her brother's death, her mother's death. How they cut his head off, sewed his wolf over the top, how her mother's throat was cut to the bone, her body dumped in a river, denied any proper burial. They tell of how her Uncle Edmure is a captive at the Twin's, of how Winterfell still burns, but it is the Bolton's now.</p><p>She thinks of her father when they tell her, and then she thinks of Lady, her wolf. At least she got a proper Northern burial … something the rest were denied.</p><p>She stays stone faced until they leave, just gives the page who delivered the news a wooden nod. As soon as he leaves, she rushes to the door, pushes it shut, and then she falls, hits the floor. She can't even remember falling, and yet she is on the floor, chocking on her own tears, barely able to breathe.</p><p>She is all alone.</p><p>Mother gone, Robb gone, father gone, Arya gone, Bran gone, Rickon gone, Lady gone … all gone. Only Jon remains, and he is thousands of leagues away. <em>'Oh, how sweet it would be to see him again' </em>He was all she had left, and yet she can't go to him.</p><p>The Stark pack, is scattered, broken, almost at ruin. The wolves have been strewn across the lands, most dead, only two left, just two, thousands of miles apart.</p><p>She manages to move to the window, and there she cries, not prettily, not like the Lady's at court cry when her brother won a battle, no, she sobs, ugly, nasty sobs that threaten to drown her. She only manages to calm a few hours later, though the tears do not stop.</p><p>She thinks the tears might never stop.</p><p>Tyrion comes in at some point, and she can tell he came to tell her the news, but she just looks at him and he knows. She turns away, hating him, hating all of them, the evil Lannister's who ruined her family. She hates them all, and her tears continue as Tyrion leaves.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'You take my cares away, I can so overcomplicate, people tell me to medicate'</em>
</p><p>When she finally leaves Kings Landing it is not as she would have expected.</p><p>The smallfolk mutter that Lady Sansa helped to kill the King, and then fled the scene of his murder. They gossip several tales, that she <em>'vanished in a puff of brimstone' </em>after the murder, or she <em>'changed into a wolf with the wings of a bat after killing the King with magic and flew away'.</em> The reality as always was much different.</p><p>As she sits in the cabin on The Merling King, hidden away, her rich auburn hair not allowed to reflect the sunlight, not allowed on deck. She can't help but feel she might have traded one cage for another.</p><p>She remembers how Lord Baelish dumped Dontos overboard, showed her the broken crystal's in her hairnet, almost mocked her naivety. <em>'Stupid little girl, with stupid dreams that never learns'.</em></p><p>As she sits in her little cabin, far from Kings Landing now, almost at the Vale, she knows … she must learn, and she must learn quickly.</p><p>And learn she does.</p><p>First, he takes her to the Fingers, his home, and there he grills her, tests her, challenges her on the story. She is not Sansa Stark anymore, but Alayne Stone, bastard daughter of Petyr Baelish, hidden for her own safety. They go to the Eyrie soon, and as they ascend, she runs over her story, again and again and again.</p><p>The Vale is interesting, her Aunt is insane, and Baelish actually protects her. But he also eyes her, with a roaming gaze that makes her uncomfortable. He gives her a smile that is meant just for her but makes her shiver, it is unsettling.</p><p>He takes control of the Vale quickly, and she realises his plans quickly to, to his surprise.</p><p>
  <em>'Sansa Stark went up the mountain, but Alayne Stone is coming down'</em>
</p><p>She even helps, goes along with his explanation for her aunt's death, beguiles Harry the heir, smiles and cuddles Sweetrobin like his mother used to. He teaches her many a lesson, about weakness, cunning, lies. He instructs her with dangerous eyes and far too much attention.</p><p>She is a slow learner, but she learns.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'Feel my blood running, swear the skies falling, how do I know if this shit's fabricated?'</em>
</p><p>Weeks in the Vale turn to months, and then a year later, and they are at the base, the Gates of the Moon, waiting for winter to pass. It shall be a long winter, the Maester's say, and the white raven arrives within weeks of them reaching the bottom of the Eyrie.</p><p>Her bed is cold, and Sweetrobin clings to her far too much, Petyr eyes her and treats her not like a father to a daughter, and Harry, grins at her, winks, and she resists the urge to roll her eyes.</p><p>It is not so bad, she knows it is all for a reason, for her home, for the North. Littlefinger may have his own motivations, ones she doesn't like to think about, but she has her own. All she thinks of is Winterfell, of home, of taking it back.</p><p>It comes sooner than she would have thought.</p><p>After the white raven another comes soon after, this time dark, 'dark wings, dark words' her mother said, but these wings bring bright words, words that talk of home.</p><p>She almost weeps when he tells her, but she doesn't, her expression is stoic, cold, the one he taught her that she solidified with the pain she hides. She doesn't flinch as he reads the raven scroll, as he tells her what has happened North of the neck.</p><p>Her brother, Sansa Stark's brother has taken back Winterfell, slain the bastard Ramsey Snow and reclaimed their ancestral home. They named him King for his triumph, and now he sits where her father once sat, as King in the North.</p><p>He was never her brother, her contempt for him fuelled by her mother stopped any kind of familial relationship, but as she sobs into her pillow that night she thinks of him, of Jon, of how much she misses him, of how she longs to see him, 'oh how sweet it would be to see him again'. But she knows she won't, she knows Littlefinger is recalculating his plans as she cries.</p><p>The next morning, he makes them known, and she was wrong.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'Time goes by and I can't control my mind, don't know what else to try, but you tell me every time'</em>
</p><p>They ride North, and she knows she is riding home. Her heart pounds when Winterfell comes into view, when she see's the home she grew up in. Again, she schools her expression, raises an eyebrow and nothing more, even though inside she is screaming, squealing, wanting to jump up and down, or charge to the gates, to home, to Jon.</p><p>Instead she follows the train of men, at Littlefingers side, the proud banner of the Arryn's at the head of the train, as well as the Stark banner now, her brown hair back to it's natural red. <em>'Kissed by fire' </em> someone calls her as they arrive.</p><p>Alayne Stone is gone now, Sansa Stark is home.</p><p>She can't resist as they arrive, dismount, she knows she should greet him coolly, perhaps with a stiff nod, but as she see's him, Jon, shock stamped across his face, still dressing like a soldier even though now he is a King, she can't resist, not for one second. As soon as she see's him she is no longer the hard, intelligent, schemer Littlefinger has moulded her into, she is just Sansa, and she is home.</p><p>She runs to him, and his embrace feels as sweet as any treat. She tries not to cry as he lifts her, grips her so, so tightly. As tears slide down her cheeks, she knows she has failed.</p><p>"I've got you" He promises, and she nods, clutches him closer, and it feels like they spend hours in such an embrace, the last of the Stark's, home again.</p><p>That night he tells her, she learns, he is not a Stark, perhaps in blood, from his mother, but not in his name, not as he should be. He is no Stark.</p><p>He tries to insist, he is a wolf, not a dragon, and she considers him. Ghost stands by his side, he has the pommel of a wolf at his Valyrian sword, he wears the Stark insignia. He insists, ever since his friend Sam told him, he has never been a Targaryen.</p><p>"I'm not a Targaryen, but I know I'm not a Stark either, I never was" He says, and she wants to cry, that she ever made him feel like that.<em> 'Stupid girl with stupid dreams who never learns'</em>. She feels more stupid than ever in that moment.</p><p>"You are to me" He smiles at her words and again she hugs him, pulls him close. She vows to never hurt him, to never treat him poorly again, and it's not because he's trueborn that she thinks that, not that he's royalty, it's simply because he's Jon, and she never wants to see him hurt again.</p><p>"But you're a Prince now" She teases him, and he rolls his eyes at her, she laughs and so does he. It feels good, so good to laugh with him, to feel at ease for the first time in years.</p><p>"Actually no" She shakes her head as she realises, "You're a King" At that he grumbles, and she laughs again. They spend her first night home laughing and joking, teasing, and talking. It is as close to perfect as anything she remembers.</p><p>She falls asleep at the fire and wakes to him carrying her to his bed. He promises to sleep on the floor and this time its her turn to roll her eyes, as she pulls him down beside her and they just sleep, reunited, they rest.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'Sometimes it's hard to find, find my way up into the clouds, tune it out, they can be so loud'</em>
</p><p>She is home, and it feels so right. The people are kind to her, they bow their head and welcome her back. Jon names her Lady of Winterfell, and the people cheer, and she smiles, a real smile, and Jon smiles with her, and she feels at home, she feels happy. How long has it been since she felt that?</p><p>Littlefinger is the problem though. He didn't bring her home to reunite her with her brother for her happiness. He bought her home (she soon finds out), to dispatch Jon and place her in charge. Once she learns that she goes straight to Jon, he seems unworried, but she cautions him, and to her surprise and utter delight he takes her counsel.</p><p>Like father and mother, Eddard Stark was the Lord, but he always took his wife's counsel. She doesn't question why when she thinks of her and Jon she thinks of a husband and wife.</p><p>Littlefinger finds no victory in Winterfell. The people are loyal to Jon, completely, even now they know his secret. He is the blood of the Stark's, he won them back their home, liberated them from the rule of the Bolton's, and severed the North from the South once more. With Sansa at his side his rule is untouchable, and Littlefinger's scheming is soon stopped.</p><p>When Jon severs his head from his body for treason, she doesn't flinch, doesn't cry or scream. She only smiles a little, her last words to him ringing in her ears.</p><p>
  <em>'Thank you for all your many lessons Lord Baelish, I will never forget them'</em>
</p><p>She wouldn't, she won't, and in a way, she admired Littlefinger's plan, but she won't betray Jon, not now, not ever. Not even as the Dragon Queen summons him.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated, all I need is to see your face'</em>
</p><p>He refuses to go, until a second, and then a third letter come, and Jon thinks of the Others, of that fight, and she knows he must go. She wants to cry, beg him not to leave, instead as he declares her in charge she just nods, clasps his hands, and wishes him luck. At least in public.</p><p>In private the morning he is due to leave she hugs him hard, makes him promise to come home, to which he laughs, and holds onto him for too long. He kisses her forehead, then her cheek, then her other cheek, and then he seems to automatically go for her lips, as though he's done it before, but to someone else, before he is recoiling in horror, stuttering, and apologising.</p><p>He stutters again when she steps forward and kisses him.</p><p>"We can't" He whispers, even after he has kissed her back, and she shakes her head, leans in, and this time he captures her lips, and she has never felt anything so wonderful in her life.</p><p>"You're my cousin" She says simply, and that seems to rest his qualms, he smiles, and kisses her again, promises to come back, and then he has to go.</p><p>"Jon" He does pause at her call, and she just offers him a smile, he offers her one too, and then he's gone. He leaves Ghost with her, 'to watch over you' and then he's gone, South, and she just hopes that not only does he come back, but he comes back wanting to resume what they left.</p><p>Weeks pass and she can't stop thinking about the kiss. It seems natural, they had never been siblings, and so their love had grown into something else. It feels right, and she refuses to question it, it felt too good to besmirch with anxieties or worries.</p><p>Weeks turn into a month, and then longer and still she holds the kiss close to her heart. She holds court, she organises Winterfell, Lord Royce at her side, the men of the Vale loyal to the North now she had routed Baelish free. She works, and distracts herself, and organises food, armour and everything needed for the war and winter to come.</p><p>Two months pass, and then finally a third and she misses Jon so much it hurts her heart. She sleeps in his room, her parents' old room, he granted it to her when she arrived, but she refused it, though spent nights there, the two just sleeping, holding hands. Now she imagines how they'd sleep together after the kiss; would he hold her? Would there be more?</p><p>She tries not to run away with her thoughts, but at night, as she cuddles into the furs, she thinks of him, misses him, needs him.</p><p>The third month has just passed when she hears the call,<em> 'King returning'. </em>She is in the main hall eating breakfast when it comes, she should walk with dignity, nod her head, and walk to the courtyard to greet her King. She is a little ashamed of herself when she runs.</p><p>"Jon" She is breathless when she reaches him, and he sweeps her into his arms. She holds him close, and he squeezes her tight. They embrace a touch too long before he places her down, and then she see's who's behind him, who is looking at them with barely hidden jealousy.</p><p>She is beautiful, hair of ice, dragons circling overhead, a smile that is all sultry beauty mixed with a strength she had never possessed. It's petty but she hates her the second she see's her, even as Jon squeezes her hand and introduces them.</p><p>"Lady Sansa, Queen Daenery's" He is without fanfare, and she nods at this Queen, but doesn't curtsey, Jon is her King, her ruler, not this woman. Fire crackles in her eyes as Sansa just nods, and she resists the urge to drag Jon away. Instead she stands still, welcomes her, and then turns to Jon with a very significant look.</p><p>"We'll let you get settled" Sansa says, polite, courteous, as Littlefinger had taught her, she had promised not to forget his lesson, she hasn't, she won't, and she watches the Dragon Queen's guard drop just a fraction, just as she intended, as she turns and walks away, and Jon follows.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'Feel my blood running, swear the skies falling, how do I know if this shit's fabricated?'</em>
</p><p>They go to his solar, that she had been using, for privacy, and she turns around to face him as soon as the door closes, ready to scream, yell, cry, how dare he! She wants to hit him, and beg him to love her, and sob as she knows he'll pick her, why wouldn't he.</p><p>She doesn't even get a word out.</p><p>She whirls around, and he is in front of her, cupping her face, kissing her, before she can so much as mutter a syllable.</p><p>She whimpers into the kiss, and he smiles. It feels good, so good, and she pulls him closer, clutching him, holding him close. Gods, she missed him, and his kiss feels like home, feels like happiness, feels like Jon.</p><p>"Have some faith in me" He admonishes after he releases her, but he is teasing she can tell, and she rolls her eyes.</p><p>"Did she want you?" She asks, partly out of her own jealousy, partly as a protector of the North, a North she refuses to see fall into the Dragon Queen's hands.</p><p>"Marriage was suggested when I told her of my heritage" He admitted, "And she seemed interested"</p><p>"You weren't" She throws back, and he rolls his eyes, and takes her hands.</p><p>"Do I need to kiss you again?" Is all he offers, and she shrugs, he laughs and kisses her again, and again, and she forgets her jealousy, forgets her worries, and just holds him, holds Jon, her Jon.</p><p>
  <em>'Just keep breathing'</em>
</p><p>It took a while to get there, and yet as he kisses her, so tender, so sweet but with a hardness that speaks of his desire, she knows the journey was worth it, to get here, to Jon, to home, to love.</p><p>'<em>I keep breathing'</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>soo thoughts?</p><p>I freaking loved writing this, and I freaking love this pairing, check out my other one shot 'be mine' and my wip 'turning back' if you like them too!</p><p>did you like this? pls let me know, also I'm thinking about doing a similar one from jon's perspective, perhaps with a different ending? lemme know if you'd like that!</p><p>speak soon</p></blockquote></div></div>
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